Hello my loves.
I had a story come up that I wanted to share because for me, I always feel like I’m teaching through my experiences. Because how I live now is a direct reflection of how I shifted my life. And it’s these same tools and principles that I teach people in all of my programs. They’re the same exact tools that I’ve always used and am still using, that continue to shift my life and make it greater and greater. It’s like, as I continue to evolve with how much more joy I can experience, the abundant and unconditional love that I have, and the general ease and flow of things, it is always getting greater. It’s always becoming more and more and more. And I’ll share it with you guys. And then people say, “Oh, now I get it. I get it from how you chose to respond from your example”, and they can apply that to their lives. That is why I love to share. You know what’s happening for me as I am continuing to evolve, because it still applies in every aspect and it applied with the same things that I used it in the earlier years.
I’m here in Hawaii right now. It’s where I came down with one of my divine besties for her birthday for us to do some deep intense activation work. We did activations and coding and imprinting and all sorts of things, and that gets into a lot of the woo woo stuff that I do with DNA activation, cellular clearing, and clearing our vessels. We are more light, that means we’re operating a higher vibration frequency which means that’s exactly what we attract and we experience in our world. And so we were here also for her birthday. It was over an eclipse and it was like doing this dope ass frequency activation work and we’re like “Yeah I’m in girl, of course I’ll come with you and we’ll celebrate your birthday that way.” I took her to dinner the night of her birthday after our day of intense stuff. And we’re laughing and we’re talking, and what came up was this story around birthdays which to me is so funny because of how far I’ve come. And I wanted to share this story with you because she found it fascinating and it’s super funny to look at the growth and the evolution that we get to go through.
I was telling her about the time I gave myself permission to get a nanny. I got a live-in nanny, and I finished my basement so I could have this whole space for her because it was going to be like January to February. For the first time I was leaving my boys and being away from them for that long, knowing that they got to grow in their experiences and I’ve got to show them that I got to live life, and choose to do these things that called to me, and live in my passion purpose. There are these stories of what a mom looks like for me to do that. I was giving myself permission to get a nanny to be supported, and at the same time it was the first time in my business (at the time was doing my 90 day Mind Body Transformation in gyms) that I had assisting coaches and trainers. And for the first time I was able to step away and go “Cool, you guys got this. You guys are going to run and continue to run the groups.” Because I wasn’t having to be involved and so I gave myself permission on all these levels to go experience something that I’d always wanted to do. I’d always wanted to backpack through New Zealand and it was gonna be over my birthday. The guy that I was dating at the time was very hard core; he was a survival guide, an outdoor firefighter, even a professional triathlete. And I knew I called him in to allow myself to break through all these levels of fear. Now look at the benefit of this. I used to be scared to do anything ever. I literally didn’t feel like I could even ever travel somewhere because I didn’t know how to get through the airport. I was raised in absolute fear and I was raised in a box of “this is what it is to stay safe”. Of course that meant being a mom a certain way; that meant everything being a certain way. And I knew that I had called this man into my life to allow me to step through fear. So we did all these scary as fuck things. We did you know backpacking, we swam through cave waters with a five foot hole in the pitch black dark. I did like crawling through the tiniest cave holes with spiders as big as my head and nowhere to look but like an inch in front of me down – because the crawl hole was so small- and we jumped off canyons.
[00:05:04] We did adventures through the ice cold mountains because I hated the cold. So I was allowing myself, my mind to know how to work through. I’m giving you a lot of context so you also see how this applies to the birthday story. So this gentleman also was not really a gentleman. And I actually I appreciate and I expect.
[00:05:36] only the most amazing ,beautiful, divine, sacred and masculine men in my life that are gentlemen and treat me as the Queen and the goddess that I am. And see there’s this evolution to that as I was describing to Catarina. We end up at this place, we literally camp in it and we’re gonna get on the bus in the morning which is my birthday. We were talking about what are our top love languages were. I said well mine used to be it used to be (hers was Words of Affirmation, which I knew) Words of Affirmation back in the day. I recognized it that if I walked into a room and the guy that I was dating or with (or even my husband when I was married) didn’t say “Wow you look really hot”, then I took that as “Oh I don’t look hot.” I didn’t have the affirmation or the validation from outside of myself given to me to make me feel validated in my work or my value.
[00:06:53] So I needed you to tell me because I didn’t have it for myself. And as I grew through my own personal journey I was able to learn to love myself right and I was able to learn to give that to myself. My love languages shifted. Words of Affirmation was no longer my top main love language. It was actually the last one. People would tell me all the time that I was amazing at events, or if I was on stage. And I’d say
[00:07:21] “You are too!” And of course we love all of them and I appreciate all of them and they’re all part of the way that we receive love. Yeah I realized it that wasn’t my main one anymore. As I was explaining that too I shared the story of when I recognized this shift for me of claiming my own worth and being a reflection of that. And it was my birthday. I’ve always made everyone’s birthdays a big deal, because it was how I showed love. Here I am the night before my birthday with this guy that I’m dating. We’re literally in transit after climbing over a mountain. And so we’re just gonna camp out this night near these cool hot springs, and then jump on a bus in the morning. I’m noticing that it’s my birthday tomorrow and he hasn’t said a word about it the entire time. I’m like, celebrating people’s birthdays, celebrating all week long like “We’re celebrating you girl! We’re celebrating all of you and the awesomeness that you are for this world.” And so, in my mind I started feeling like I was not valued enough. I started feeling depressed. I was feeling so sad and all these ideas of “Oh, he hasn’t said anything, it’s not even important and there’s nothing planned.” I caught myself feeling this funk and feeling depressed. And I caught it. That’s the main thing, I caught it and I’m wondering, why am I feeling so sad and so depressed and so low? Why am I not being a happy person right now? I think I’m looking for this person to make me feel like I’m enough. I’m looking for this person to validate and make my birthday special. I wondered, am I the only one that can make my birthday special? Because it doesn’t matter what anyone does for you, it’s not going to be enough and it doesn’t matter. It’s all based on your perception of how you choose to think and feel. It’s all based on you. I always tell my boys, you’re the only one that can make you happy. So you know what you want to choose to create for you to be happy, how you get to claim that and own that and create that for yourself. And so I caught it. Oh my gosh, here I am expecting him to be telling me that my birthday is tomorrow and make me happy,
[00:09:49] or do something for me to make me feel valued. I’m looking outside of myself and what I am in that moment a bitch to circumstance. I am. I am a victim to the circumstance. Based on the circumstances, if you give me enough love then I’ll feel like I’m OK and if you don’t give me love that I’m lacking. You see how crazy that is for us to put it outside of ourselves to wait to be valued, or to wait. You know when you were the only one that can claim your worth from what you charge, from your value to the people that you choose in your space around you, the people that you give your time, effort, and energy to. You were the only one that can ever claim your value. So I caught it. Here I am and I have a choice right now. In the shifts in my life it was a calling-you-on-your-bullshit moment. They used to call them the five steps to overcome sabotage but I don’t I believe there’s sabotage, it’s just your unconscious programming. Now they’re just the five steps to freedom; the five steps to return back to freedom. Because I was living unconsciously, I was operating from old programs and stories and beliefs that I wasn’t enough and I wasn’t valued. And this is why and this is what it looked like: I was putting meaning on the reality around me and experience around me based unconscious stuff. So I was not living consciously in the moment I was actually actually living unconsciously, I was living subconsciously, I was reactionary. He wasn’t doing this so I was in a reaction versus choosing a conscious response. And I caught it and I called myself on my bullshit I’m like: Whoa wait what do I want to experience right now?
So the third question in my five steps that move people from unconsciously acting or reacting to consciously responding is “What do I want?” Do I want to be on top of a mountain in the most glorious beautiful place in New Zealand? You know we’ve gone through glaciers and all this epic stuff. Do I want to be sad and depressed and not enjoying the view and not seeing all that’s available here because a dude didn’t tell me I’m special on my birthday? Wait a minute, I know I’m special and it’s my birthday. I get to celebrate that it’s my birthday and I made the switch by choosing that the experience I want right now is awesomeness. I’m not going to have that experience continuing to operate from this program. I’m not going to have that experience operating from this belief or idea or story or this perception or these actions, of waiting for him to make me feel good. So I claim and I’m like: Wait this is what I want, I want to feel awesome. I want this birthday to be the best birthday ever. And it only gets greater. How would I get to create that, and not wait for him to create it. How would I get to create that and I instantly shift it. I initially started smiling and laughing and dancing and I turned on music and as we’re walking around I became a big ass nutjob who was just having a good time. And I was also known as high vibration. I was like: It’s my birthday tomorrow! I’m so excited to celebrate my birthday and I just became happy. I chose happiness and I didn’t it didn’t take someone giving me a present. It didn’t take him giving me validation it didn’t take any attention from anyone else. It took me giving it to myself.
The next day we were minimizing, we were backpacking through New Zealand and we crawled into this tiny little tent and I was like: How do I want experience tomorrow? How do I express my birthday? What always makes me feel good is getting my body a workout. So of course I’m going to get up early and I’m going to catch the sunrise and I give myself a workout and I’m going to do the things that I know create my day and my life and my reality. And I did my processes that I do at night. Guys I can see that these tools and these processes began shifting my reality and they’re still the same tools that I use now to create an even greater reality that is continually expanding even more into that all the time. I was like: I’m gonna get up and I’m going to give myself permission, have an awesome workout. So I get up in the morning and I slide out of the tunnel quietly and I go find this cool space and I give myself an awesome workout. And I totally listen to my meditations. I truly saw myself having the most awesome birthday even though I knew that most of it was going to be sitting on a bus to get to our next location. And it didn’t matter if he even remembered or said a word to me or anything because I was celebrating me. After that I got my workout in I was like: Oh, you know what? How do I get to celebrate my birthday? And I went and I manifested a mango. Somebody handed me a mango and I was like: Oh thank you. I guess. I gotta go. And I was so excited about having a mango. Now if I would’ve stayed any other place I’d been sad and feeling bad that there wasn’t like a special thing created. He didn’t get up and make me a little camping breakfast or whatever. I would have been a victim to the circumstance. I was so fucking happy to have that mango and I manifested a mango for myself and I was just celebrating myself. I got a mango for my birthday and I remember. He got up. We got our stuff packed up. We went to get on the bus. And I think it was maybe two hours later that he’s like: “Oh yeah. Happy birthday.” I was like: “I know, I have celebrated all day I’m so good.” I was so happy.
[00:15:25] And it all came for me. It didn’t take anything else. That was a big shift for me in my life of realizing and of course evolving too. Now I can’t even believe I dated a guy who was operating from that space and it goes to show how incredibly far I’ve come in only having the most epic, beautiful, divine, sacred, masculine kings and I call them benevolent kings and enlightened emperors that are sovereign master creators. Those are the only men that are in my space. The only women that are in my space are my divine sacred sisters and you know the most highest evolutionary beings that we all reflect this level of joy and love and appreciation for each other. And it doesn’t come. It’s it’s a reflection of that because it comes from us first. So the main thing I know is that it was a lot of little truths and nuggets and inside stories that all kind of combined into one.
I wanted you to hear that the main thing is giving it to yourself and actually as I’m thinking about that experience I’ll share one more little add-on to that. Three weeks into this there was going to be a month long backpacking all through New Zealand and doing all this epic cool shit. And again all that scared me to death. This is the point I was making earlier that I probably got a little sidetracked on. Look, one of my companies is essential ventures. I love doing epic crazy shit. I love the greatest adventures. Life is my grand adventure that I had to embrace. The truth guys, is that fear is just exciting possibilities.
I labeled it is fear before because it was out of my control. Whenever you’re ever trying to control anything it’s controlling you. So when I found anything I had resistance to, my commitment was to lean in and to be able to heal and discover and create new beliefs and perceptions and programs. So now it’s like anything that would even feel scary, I’m super excited to dive into because I know that just shows what’s there for me to love and what’s there for me to liberate and give freedom to fear is just the first stage of seeing what freedom is available. It’s just about the exciting possibilities that exist. So I knew I was called and attracted that and was looking for like: What am I going to do to align myself to break through this fear? I called him in as a great, secret contract and a support system for me to have someone to support me and go through all these intense crazy experiences. Now I lead one of the most badass companies in the world, essentially ventures that are set up for people to know they’re safe and having an experience already set for them, fully supported, fully protected, fully provided to go do medicine, to go do a ceremony, and dream, to go to DNA activation, so that you’re clearing to open up spiritual pathways and get the support of all the things that most people have no access to.
So that’s how essentially adventures are born. It was a bad ass breakthrough adventure. Now essentially adventures came from these bad ass breakthrough experiences and transformational deep dive experiences that I felt called to do. Obviously that’s why part of my journey is healing my own fear around going to these places and doing these things and it allowed me to discover the coolest things all around the world: things that crazy catapulted our capacity even further in that place that you would’ve taken you 20 years to get through doing these other processes. That all evolved from me leaning in and having this support. So it’s all perfect.
And the last thing that I wanted to share is that when I was about three weeks into it I started to notice that I felt depressed. I was like: What is this feeling from? And I realized that I wasn’t fulfilled even though I was doing cool stuff that I always wanted to do. My inner self wasn’t fulfilled because my fulfillment comes from growth and contribution. I wasn’t coaching my groups and I wasn’t sharing my truths I wasn’t. I’m here to liberate humanity I’m here with the codes of remembrance, and your divinity and how to be liberated into freedom hence I have gone that journey. I’m now living the most liberated free life ever. I can’t guide other people to it unless I’m willing to do it myself because leaders always go first. Leaders get to discover and carry those codes that we have within, they get activated to go: Oh I figured this out so I could actually share it authentically and in transparency and in truth in invulnerability be able to do that. And so. I recognized that was a huge thing for me too is realizing that it wasn’t about getting to a certain level of success to disconnect from. It was about more connection, more service, and more love. One of my spiritual teachers and mentors said that when you serve you find your dharma. Your dharma is your passion and your passion always leads to more service. When you serve you’re always provided for.
Truly, it allowed me to see how much it was a part of me, and part of my calling to contribute. And as I grow and expand this is again coming back to the beginning of why I share this: I grow and expand. I share how I am able to implement that because one of my geniuses is integration. I just shared with you how I integrated, how I caught the unconscious and I chose and integrated a new way of thinking and my actions and my behaviors and my feelings all aligned. And then of course as I continue to, it’s like I never expected someone else to create my birthday. From then on I knew I created the birthing experience I wanted. Where was I going to go around the world? What am I going to do that is honoring and celebrating me? How do I give that to myself? I integrated that into my way of life, not just with the birthday but with everything else too. And I live in a place now where I give myself permission to receive. I give myself permission to live the life that I want. So you look at what fulfils you, how do you give it to yourself, how do you give yourself permission.
All this really started from a story of how I wanted a great birthday and there’s so many trees and nuggets to this that hopefully you’ll get to take and apply it to your life, and look at how your reality really is showing up for you because you are the only one that can save you. Something I dropped a long time ago as a mentor is that I can save anyone. I’m just here authentically in my transparency, and with transparency, there’s nothing to hide and nothing to prove. I’m just here in this transparency sharing with you my experience and giving the tools that assisted me in transforming my experience. My reality externally is matching my inner reality, which again, when I value myself and the value outside reflects as well. And you are the only one that can choose. To implement it if it resonates with you. If that’s what you want to be experiencing you can choose to continue to learn through struggle and strife and hardship or you can now choose to learn through love and bliss and joy and pleasure because you’re worthy of that too. So. I hope that you can take this into your life and integrate it in some way. Look at how it applies to you and start recognizing that only you can give yourself permission.
I love you guys, power of choice is yours. Choose your best life.